The Perfect 2022 Headline: "Alabama City Moves to Dissolve Police Department Over Racist Text"

Oddly, the Times refuses to tell readers what the text said.

The Times gives us all sorts of information on this story — the basic facts about a police department being dissolved over a “racist text,” various officials and departments condemning the text in the harshest terms, even the census records on the town that no longer has a police department. (“The city, which is about 30 miles southeast of Birmingham, has a little under 2,000 residents, 392 of them Black, according to census figures.”)

But the Times never reveals what the text said.

It must be REALLY bad. This is a newspaper that famously published the words, “fuck,” “pussy,” “bitch,” and “tits” in a front-page article about Trump in 2016. But it’s too delicate to print a “racist text.”

Obviously, the text has to include the N-word. Probably vulgarity, cruel stereotyping, sexual and bestial references. Who knows???

Luckily, we have America’s Greatest Newspaper, the UK’s Daily Mail to quote the text at the center of this national crisis. Here’s the exchange too shocking for the eyes of New York Times readers:

'What do y'all call a pregnant slave?' 

?

?? 

'BOGO Buy one, get one free' 

I won’t be able to sleep tonight.

Still, it’s that odd these Dogpatch bumpkins were using this ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING text as a reason to disband their entire police department. I suppose if the offensive and yet still top secret text was sent by the sewer commissioner, these dopes would remove every one of the town's flush toilets.