Make America Uganda!

I've always wanted to write a column where every sentence is a hate crime.

Liberals are furious that President Trump is admitting refugees who are actually being persecuted because of their race, as opposed to our usual policy, which is to admit poverty-stricken illiterates from totally dissonant cultures who will need government assistance for the next six generations -- PROVIDED THEY ARE NOT WHITE.

Since 1970, the United States has brought in 1 million Haitians and more than one-quarter of the population of Mexico. Somalis are flown in from 8,000 miles away -- then they vacation in Somalia, you know, where they were allegedly being persecuted.

Trump could have accomplished the same thing -- saving white South Africans from probable genocide -- by offering refugee status only to immigrants who are unlikely ever to need government assistance. As luck would have it, that's already the law (8 USC 1182 (a)(4)(A)).

Or only to those who've been fully vaccinated against mumps, measles, polio, etc., and, in light of the typical refugee, also against cholera, malaria, leprosy, yellow fever, typhoid fever, Ebola and other medieval diseases. That, too, is already the law (8 USC 1182 (a)(1)(A)(ii)).

Or to no one who is a witch doctor, Santeria priest or voodoo practitioner. (Again, already the law: 8 USC 1182 (a)(5)(B).)

These and many other provisions of federal immigration law have been entirely ignored for the past 50 years in order to bring in the poorest of the poor, who have no concept of Western civilization, preferably with wildly expensive medical problems and no means of support apart from criminal activity, who will require taxpayer support for the rest of their lives. But their selling point is, they're not white.

The other night, CNN's Anderson Cooper and The New York Times' Nicholas Kristof were in high dudgeon over Trump admitting English-speaking, non-welfare-receiving, Dutch-descended South Africans who are currently being threatened with dispossession and death by officials in their own government. (The Economic Freedom Fighters -- Motto: "Kill the Boer!" -- with 10% to 15% of the vote, are insistent that land and businesses be confiscated from white owners and redistributed to Black South Africans. The New York Times reports that "a large segment" of the governing African National Congress agrees.)

First, let's review Kristof's expertise on refugees. He spent a decade promoting a total fraud, Somaly Mam, who claimed she'd been beaten and prostituted as a child in Cambodia, sold to a brothel and tortured with electrodes. She wasn't white, so Mam became an instant celebrity, feted by Time magazine, Hillary Clinton, Sheryl Sandberg, Meg Ryan and Oprah.

Then it turned out her whole story was an elaborate Nigerian Prince scam, completely apocryphal from beginning to end, as was finally exposed by Newsweek magazine.

So we should definitely listen to Kristof when it comes to humanitarian cases.

Anderson and Kristof's main argument is that there are millions of non-whites out there! Why can't we get them instead of being saddled with 59 tall, healthy, educated, English-speaking South Africans?

It's hard to argue with that.

On the other hand, their beloved Afghans, who "saved the lives of American troops," according to both Cooper and Kristof (Cooper heard it from Jussie Smollett, and Kristof heard it from Somaly Mam), prefer to live under sharia law.

In case you're unfamiliar with the Taliban, their version of sharia prohibits women from leaving their homes without a male relative, forces them to wear head-to-toe burqas, and still employs stonings, public hangings and amputations as criminal punishments.

To each his own, but wouldn't the 99% of Afghans who told Pew they want to live that way be happier in one of the 35 countries that practice sharia law?

Cooper was especially incensed that we're not bringing Sudanese and Congolese people to our shores, testily adding, "On this program, we reported on the violence, the plight of people there in a series of programs in 2006." (Don't worry if you missed it, nothing's changed.)

Those countries have been beset by bloody civil wars, involving mass rape and millions dead. WHY CAN'T WE HAVE THAT IN OUR COUNTRY??? Not only that, but Congo has been "fighting for decades." What's not to like?

Cooper seems to think Congolese people merely need to be moved to a majority white country, like the U.S., in order to bring stability and safety to their lives. It's like busing on an international scale.

Unfortunately, the idea of the Great White Father died out with European colonialism. If the mightiest empires in the world could spend decades imposing Western values, the rule of law, modern medicine, engineering and farming techniques on these countries only to have them -- immediately, the moment the imperial power leaves -- erupt into bloody, violent, corrupt, cannibalistic dystopias, then bringing them here to collect welfare probably isn't going to help either.

By 1968, British historian Paul Johnson reported, the dozens of decolonized African nations had already experienced 64 military coups. Less than a decade later, 20 of the 41 independent African countries were ruled by military juntas and the rest were dominated by coups, wars, uprisings, massacres, starvation and sadistic rulers. None were democracies.

(Speaking of Congo, when Belgium withdrew in 1960, it had a booming industrial base, the highest literacy rate and most hospital beds in Africa. Five days after Independence Day, the Congolese military erupted in an ecstasy of violence, looting, killing and raping whites.)

Importing the third world doesn't turn third-worlders into us, it turns us into the third world.

One of our beloved African refugees was Beatrice Munyenyezi, a victim of the Rwandan genocide that former U.N. ambassador Samantha Power desperately tried to get us involved in. Then it turned out that Munyenyezi was a perpetrator, not a victim of the genocide.

(Once again: I’m totally impressed with our immigration officials.)

And remember that nice pharmacist lady we brought in from Pakistan after she married an American? Within two years, Tashfeen Malik and her "American-born" husband, Syed Rizwan Farook, had committed mass murder in San Bernardino, California, killing 14 and injuring 22. According to the GAO, in the decade after 9/11, a majority of those convicted of terrorism offenses in the U.S. immigrated here legally.

American police say they are being asked to respect Mexican rape culture when 13-year-old Hispanic girls are impregnated by 40-year-old men. One detective said he'll show up at the house of the girl, expecting the family to be in a blind rage, only to be told "it’s a blessing and we’re so happy. I’ll explain it’s illegal, they cut me right off. I get a lot of those too.”

Cooper and Kristof’s other killer argument against the South African refugees is that they have ... white privilege! Please apologize now.

"These Afrikaners," Kristof said, "are among the most privileged people on the entire continent," adding that they have "assets 20 times greater than those of black South Africans on average."

So what? Does having assets mean the government isn't trying to kill you? Jews had more assets in Germany. Kulaks had more assets in Russia. Or is Kristof suggesting it's OK to persecute people with assets?

That would be bad news because you know where else whites have more assets than blacks? Here.

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